Planted again, solid on this patch of Earth I call “The Oasis” that always welcomes us back, I can only say that it does provide a certain mental and physical comfort I did not previously expected. The comfort is the serenity of it’s space, the big hands of the clock stopping, silence penetrates the mind allowing for the thoughts to flow calmly, sometimes raising questions toward the essence of this Life we live, often keeping me on this path of discovery I embraced as my own therapy these past months. Denial, medication, counseling, none of it made sense at the time and still does not as who can truly understand such a loss and it’s ramifications. It has made me stand out alone only with Mother Nature and Spirit being allowed within my own Soul, such past circumstances has planted unfortunately such a fear of attachment to the human kind as another loss cannot even be imaginable. Slowly that luggage always wide open has been shut, always present but locked now with a much better understanding of it’s contents making room for some day the ability to share this Journey with another Soul, as peculiar this Lifestyle can be however so pure and clean from all it’s outside interferences. I keep now hoping there is hope. This would be a great place to live, maybe not in the summer time due to extreme heat, but otherwise the days could unfold as pages of a thick book with no ending in sight. But soon the longing appears within me, the curiosity of what is behind that bend, what is what I call within those exotic places we hear, those places which have been subjected to their own changes within these past millions of years. I want to rest my eyes on such places, I want to feel the constant hues taking on their own shades as often as the sun rises and sets. I want to be “one” with Mother Nature, my companion now throughout these times that nurtures me without ever asking anything in return as an incessant miracle always there for the taking.
Upside down photo of tree reflections in the Hill Country
I just experienced a few days within a circle alike many live daily. I don’t know if it has left an imprint on me yet, but it does affect my thoughts in a comparative fashion as if suddenly I had changed shoes, from moccasins to a hard sole, stiff to the walking, shiny only on it’s surface but lined with worn out leather darkened by it’s stress on the inside, that inside no one sees within the avenues of a city Life. It was a small dosage of it, I emerged on it’s surface and stayed afloat only because my Life vest was filled with the knowledge that I was coming back to the deep emptiness that now again surrounds me. Of course there is much Life within that “other” path, probably and maybe with a different aspect of difficulty, again physical and mental as being constantly subjected to the flying darts of a so close by society and it’s values governed so often by only an exterior appearance that “needs” to be that shiny shoe everyone likes to wear.
I felt the minds around me seeking and stumbling for a certain spirituality that fills me with ease daily, I felt the arms reaching out, palms open trying to lessen the unbalance of their own scale tipping always one way or another. I felt their time constrain with the incessant big hands of the clock keeping them on a tight schedule, I felt all this as a big barrier never fading away, only pushing and pushing the bodies and the souls caught up in their daily flow through the gears never stopping to turn, well oiled or not. It almost hurts me, has hurt me to feel their superficial happiness only because some have the knowledge of it’s true form but ignore it, some desire it so strongly, some have no clue of it and some are not willing to sacrifice to step up with the fear of the fear of being stripped from belongings which only provide the unreality of a happy inner and complex soul we carry throughout these years, these few years we are so lucky to be here.
Who am I to feel so strongly with these thoughts? No one really. Just another wandering soul myself trying to better my days, trying to find those simple wood paneled doors that will open up with the newly found keys into a space that is so pure and white that it sometimes blinds me wondering if this really could be the truth of Life seeked. I am no one to wish and desire for others to maybe follow my own path as “is my own path everyone’s happiness or just mine?”. I might be so wrong toward the definition of Life itself when so many surrounds themselves with the “objects” of their desires maybe fulfilling their own thought happiness. I can only write here and now for myself these thoughts that help me through these days, these words which bounce back at me as often as I read them myself to make me understand my own reasons of Living. The questions never cease, the words always have question marks, blanks so often appear as myself seeking the answers, maybe too many for my own good. I can only express what I feel as I like to transfer my own mind and see my own expression of thoughts in black and white.
I have made many U turns in my own Life. Some have been wise ones, some not. I try to now instead only to adventure myself on some smooth sweepers as the years have gone by and sudden changes are harder to maneuver and yet, I cannot help wanting to extend my own arms to maybe try to show others a better way to live, to live knowing that everything we need is within us, the spirit born throughout conception maturing through time and “needing” that nurturing that so often is overlooked replaced by a nurturing of material acquisitions instead. I know that this World we live in, this space we are surrounded with is the home of so many kind people, caring people as I have felt it over and over these past few months. I also know there is much anger, there are wars, there is incessant greed gaining on so many minds as trying to keep the shine of those hard soled shoes, there is so much abuse toward children, each other, animals and Mother Nature itself. There is so much defacing of our surroundings that the images past change to a present undefined landscape unrecognizable so often replaced by human dwellings and graffiti. I cannot help thinking how beautiful, even more beautiful Life would be throughout, if maybe through my naive thoughts all would cease and everyone would just carry on with the souls we are born with, raising it’s level and never putting it all aside avoiding “it” being replaced by mindless peripheral objects of desire only.
How silly maybe all this might sound!!! How again “naive” could all this be? It is my World here, the winds are my own breath of fresh air I try to grasp, I try to understand it’s meaning, a meaning so rooted that it often scares me myself while trying to surface from it’s depth. My moccasins are back on here, Spirit and I walk the path we always do, he is himself happy here clowning around with no care within his own World which so often I wonder, actually know, that it is a better one with no care, unstressed living for the “now”, a quality he was born with, a quality I strive daily as I deal with a present that often slips backwards or forward.
I have not unpacked yet, I spend the day thinking and writing, expressing these lines which suddenly have been released arriving here. It is as I purge myself, this space giving me the ability to let it all out with no hold or even thought that anyone will ever read this but only expressing these words from the heart. We will in a few days head west for some new experiences encompassing new roads, new acquaintances, new paintings awaiting the senses and as always surprises never expected as they have a habit to present themselves. I am looking forward to Death Valley as we have never truly explored it before. I look at other’s photography and yet I have no expectations as to what mine is going to be like.
Wishing you all a great day, the skies make me smile, my memories keep me going for more, the anticipation of the near future keeps me awake and moving constantly adding new pages to this book of Life I have embraced and experienced so fully always, try to anyhow.
Twenty eight months of Photography is finally in order on SmugMug… In “Your Favorites”, in “States”, some labeled “first year” and second year”, now also “Texas the third year”. Feel free to browse, you can even use the slide show mode and have fun.
Merchandise is also available through SmugMug. If you like to order a print all sizes are available as I store the originals myself considering the huge bandwidth needed to upload on the Gallery.
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Ara & Spirit