Almost there, Texas that is!

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

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The streets of Bisbee

Sometimes my heart is heavy, my thoughts are a bit on the shady side and to only make the matters worse I cannot write about it. The channels get mixed up and not much is clear besides its reasons, its colors not being the bright ones with too much static filling the screen. It is not the weight of the World, I am merely a particle of sand within this vast Universe of ours, I like to stay in the shadows. I like a straight road with no pot holes, often, knowing at times how many of you read these words intimidates me, sometimes I have to detach myself from it all as I don’t try to be entertaining. I never claimed this would be a ride report, a dog report, a travel report, a cooking show and or any report for that matter… it is only just another Life, its words written as part of a well being of mine, a resemblance of some therapy I have "invented" within myself or maybe copied from others. It is "a feel good" as I write my deepest thoughts. I too read other Blogs but somehow I never get to know the intimate side of it’s authors, wishing it was not so at times.

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More of Bisbee and great Coffee!

Sometimes I am confused, it happens often. I know what I want to say but I cannot say it, the reality scares me, it tires me as I hang on to the last threads dangling in front of me as they seem so thin and worn out, that as vertigo would be felt such similar vacuum sucks me into this space, so hard at times to pull myself back out. It is human nature I guess, mine anyhow. It has become a familiar path, I try to go where none of this would happen and more and more I realize at times regardless of the space "it is all within".

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The eyesore of the open abandoned Cooper Mine of Bisbee

Sometimes I only want to go further and further and knowingly I extend that destination as only being a dream of it all. An excuse to move on as maybe the colors will be then brighter, and again knowing so well that those colors can only change within myself. As incessant waves they brighten up but so quickly darken on their fall taking me down with only the hope that its current will again take me up to its surface. Mother Nature sure has done her share lately lifting me up, but she also changes and at times having to put up with her own mood swings it leaves me powerless and sometimes mindless. The same wand that created the beauty we have seen these past months also can unleash such devastation as we have witnessed so recently.

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The City of years past, Tombstone

Sometimes I forget as someone wrote to me lately "Lance will be with you always in spirit. To have known such a love in life is all we can ask for! Think of the millions of people who will spend their whole life never knowing the kind of love shared between you two. We are ALL here but for a brief second in the space of time to enjoy what God has granted us to experience. Your words in “The Oasis of my Soul” profoundly relays your undying love for him and know this… there is a window from above that we are all being viewed from as mere mortals on Earth. A window where he is there, watching over you…waiting for the day you can be together again! In your heart you know this already! Till then, you have Spirit as your co pilot and what a wonderful Journey you still have ahead of you!" Thank you "Laurie".

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Residents of Tombstone

"Whatever I see becomes my shape and my condition", a quote from Tom Robbins. I have overcome yesterday and we are now only 150 miles from Big Bend. I probably could have gone its last leg today, but somehow I want to as "savor the approach"… if that makes any sense. I like that "quote" as I believe in it, as yesterday was its true meaning. I know so many would have given up their day at work, from the office, from house chores, from it all to be on the ride and be part of the beauty, freedom, fields and mountains I saw and felt, but that is not what I was seeing. I was seeing beyond it all, I was having a hard time following my own principles of living for "now" as I was on the same path present four years ago with memories tainted a few shades darker. Today, putting on the miles, separating me from the recent past was as I passed through a Portal… the bright colors are here on this side.

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Close call… I thought he was drawing…

And yet I know another Portal is awaiting for us tomorrow. I still cannot say "my land"… or "our land", but I know it is. I know it has all the qualities I seek for these days, I am even imagining its air being cleaner and untainted from it all, pure, white… it is as I am going to walk into this space that will relieve all the weight carried these past years. I think the prescription is right. I am not fooling myself as I know we will not root ourselves too deep, the road always calls on us and winter will see us explore all of Texas and near by States, weather permitting. But that dose of "our land"… the time we will spend on it sheltered by the pure blue skies of the days and the dark blanket sprinkled with stars of the nights, that dose I know will be another step up to grab the hands of that scale and hang on to, it perfectly weighted on each side.

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Some past residents of Tombstone

I will only sleep tonight probably because of being tired from the miles put on to get here. By this time tomorrow I hope for the both of us to be stepping on that limestone that will welcome us knowing that we are merely borrowing its space to live peacefully, and as it’s brushes covering its surface also grow in unison to be only better beings. A space I would hope to share with Friends and future Friends. Come on by, no fences and no gates… we will cook by the fire and tell lies…

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And lets not forget my buddy Spirit… he will be waiting also… for some new Friendships.

So OK… he does not look very happy… would you be with that hat???

Two years of Photography is finally in order on SmugMug… In "Your Favorites", organized also in "States", some labeled "first year" and second year". Feel free to browse, you can even use the slide show mode and have fun. Merchandise is also available through SmugMug.

Help us keep the site alive. Please contribute…

Be well, always. Ara & Spirit

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2 Responses to “Almost there, Texas that is!”

  1. Zelda Says:

    Hi, Ara & Spirit,
    I have been travelling with you quietly for a few months now, thanks to your wonderful photography of nature’s wonders and of friends, both human and animal. I am also with you through your words in your search for meaning in the events of your life. Please know how so many of your reflections stike a common chord with your fellow travellers. What courage and optimism in humanity you have to share your innermost thoughts, joys, fears and woes with us! The Great Spirit manifest in nature is so much broader than our poor human thoughts and words. However, I feel your postings in words and pictures really bring us closer to this Great Spirit of nature. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us! We would love to visit you in the next few months!

  2. elie and wyatt Says:

    ara; I don’t know how I missed the information of your loss, in my reading of past blogs. I too lost my wife of 22 years, to suiside back 11 years ago, I won’t say anything dumb like I know how you feel, you and I both know no one will ever know how it is. anyway just let me say condolences.
    It’s great to see Tombstone, again after wyatt and I spent last xmas there, when we were the only souls at the place, as we were walking down the main street something spooked him (perhaps his name sake?) and he just had to get out of there, and wouldn’t go back , go figure dogs. We are headed back to Rodeo NM again in a week to continue flying there among the chricauah ? mountains, anyway be well you guys, we will cross paths again,

    elie and wyatt

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