I was thinking, maybe I try too hard. It always happens when near or around society. Time passes by and "escaping" thoughts are never too far behind. I wonder if I will ever get over it, I wonder if that scale will stop tilting back and forth and stabilizes eventually on its own. I have a destination, and regardless of how hard I try I just don’t seem to get there, always slipping backwards seemingly with every step I take. Inches away at arms reach I have however been there, and at times live with the not so far back distant memories of those precious times when the balance was just perfect, sharp, a clean edge. It just proves how hard Life can be when the bell of its "tilt" flashes with its big neon sign, starts ringing, as every time it stops its echo does not. It is places like Whitney Pocket that brings up a bit of a despair as to where I am and what am I doing. Not that anything is wrong, truly all is right. It is just that sometimes the Chapters are not in synch and I just don’t seem to be able to sort them out. Whitney Pocket "is" because of its space it represented me the other day, I cannot stop thinking about it. It boils in me till we reach "the destination", slowly vanishing already on the road to "there".
I am so adamant about where I want to be. I try so hard and yet am I living with a freedom that maybe is only a dream made up? I want to be in that hole in the rock, I don’t just want to pass by it, I want to experience it. I don’t just want to touch it, admire its colors and textures but let it’s spirit join mine to be one and only then I think I will find that balance I seek as I have found it at times in the past. It is my own scale, there is no comparing it with anyone else’s, it is not better or worse, it has an imprint of my 60 years passed so far on my own two feet and those cards dealt upside down that I turned to look at their faces one at the time. There is no matter if it has been a winning or loosing hand, I have not kept track of them, I have not kept a score sheet either, it is only for me to acquire the ability to accept its values one at the time. It is as going through the portal that I came across the other day, left open, inviting, and suddenly as being in my own little world of mine.
We crawled through that portal as I have crawled so often throughout my own Life. I am in touch with my environment, sometimes too much, sometimes not enough either. Some only see such sights as maybe photos, left over wonders finally accessible to us millions of years later. I see them as a direct correlation with my own Life, they are not just rocks, they are providing me with a "space" that I would like so much to make it my destination, live amongst if only for a few days. I remember such days. Valley of the Gods, California Lost Coast, Big Bend, they were the highlights of not only my senses but so much more at times and so hard to explain, as I, so overwhelmed, I can only experience it and leave with the thirst of coming back as if some sudden roots needed my constant presence.
And I know those rocks and spaces do not need me. I need them. It has taken me so long to grow into my own awareness enabling me to finally recognize where I belong. And yet, the constant peaks and valleys of this freedom I think I have, keeps showing its tentacles pulling me sideways as I try to walk the straight line toward the destination. I keep wondering "why is that?". Why can’t I just go and stay there… so simple. It is not! But I am sure trying and will try even harder for the times to come.
Such beauty, such Artworks, all on display when we crossed through that portal. I started wondering today, if I may say so throughout my own personal opinion, where did we go wrong? Today was the other side of the coin for me. I called it a visit to the "urban jungle". Hot streets of asphalt steaming its oils throughout the heat of the day, the air filled with smoke from the constant turning gears allowing the masses in the city to follow their daily patterns throughout the bells and whistles of clocks and their reminding alarms from cell phones and horns. I felt all alone, I felt as an outsider as I had experienced my own slice of Paradise, wondering if they even knew its meaning. Crawling through that portal led me to writings on the walls an Ancient Civilization has left us. Riding through the city led me to the billboards planted up high toward the skies as not to miss what we could add into our lives. The Petroglyphs have lasted the centuries past, the billboards will be torn soon replaced by better, bigger, shinier "objects" brainwashed into so many minds as a "must have". "Admire" or "Desire"… I make my own choice.
I felt the presence of the Ancient Spirits. Fires have left some marks on the ceilings, the smells are long gone now, but I could see the provisions stored in the many crevasses within this space taken away. All is at Peace there as it felt so, or is it?
So incredible to me, once such a sought after natural environment and today with its human existence vanished from the premises, only for me to have the privilege to step in and be who I am. I can only move on with the hope that all will be as I found it when we return soon. We all loose to those cards of Life at times and we can only regain some composure through our own awareness on the path taken. What an irony that the Ancients lost it all and here I was finding Peace from my own loss on what was once their "Home".
A bit further away, a few miles away, carved in the rocks, these eyes could only express to me their discontentment. Such a severe look and a non existent smile that would almost put a scare to anyone after sunset. I found a dam build in the 30’s, not too long ago, man made rocks put together by man made minds for the time, a bit out of place but a needed wall enabling the survival of the conquerors of this land taken away from the Ancients.
Across the road, build at the same time, was the storage facility for the dynamite and tools used for the construction of the damn. Spirit and I will be on our own land soon in Texas, 20 miles or so north of Big Bend, and the first structure I need to build is a bath house. Seeing those walls made me decide that this was it. Rocks, mortar and cement. Might not even look as good as I am already calling it my prehistoric structure, it will at least blend nicely within its surroundings. I think a lot about this land we have not seen yet, it is representing more and more this destination that I seek, at least for the winter months. The area is vast and again there will be so much more to discover, discover around us and within me. Time will stop and the mind will grow outward even more in that solitude awaiting for us. It is at times as I have already been transported there. Maybe there will not be any upside down cards dealt for that time and Life will just leave us alone nurturing to emerge from it all as a better and well balanced human being. Could it be that times of healing are just around the corner? We will find out soon.
The scenery had changed only within a few miles as I feel my own composure will change when we arrive south, still one thousand miles away. The layers of sandstone, hardened by time, had been lifted from their horizontal path to an incredible vertical position pointing outward the skies themselves with no end for anyone to see. What was that incredible force? How can it be that such a hard substance be moved with such delicate planning, and us, only as particles of sand within, all have at times such a hard path trying to only stay afloat? We can only be the witnesses of it all for such a short time and as what I was seeing, try to stand upright pointed toward the same skies as they are.
Will I meet my own layers as the sandstone has? Smoothly resting to finally maybe finding some well balanced times? I think I will… I think this Journey will take an even better direction soon as winter will be time to regroup and get ready for more searching throughout this incredible country that keeps presenting us with a constant array of new wonders never alike as the previous ones. I felt as it was time to leave on that hot afternoon as much as I did not want to. It was as my hunger was only given such a tiny morsel to taste and I could only hope that there will be someday a tomorrow that will see me again amongst such powerful space to experience, without a time limit unlike that day. One more look into another portal, one more glance around as maybe their memory will carry us a bit longer, and finally facing the wheel in the direction we came, a bitter sweet ride, we went on.
Hot and hotter was the ride back, it takes a toll on the physical strength and mentally worry about Spirit, even under his cover and with water in proximity. I stopped at the first shade in Mesquite, not the second one, not a bit further! We had gone through the worse of it as past Mesquite the road starts climbing for just a bit cooler temperatures. The difference between 107 and 97 is considerable! As moving on from the hot furnace to a warm oven. We rested a while, rubbed some water on Spirit and decided that we are both going to need one of those "cool vest". The ones soaked with water, such heat is just a bit too dangerous.
We had planned to ride Joshua Rd on the way back, but opted instead to head straight back to Dammeron. We will leave that ride for another day, maybe a sunset ride. It was a magical day, a day that will stay with me, memories such as those do not escape with time, they only make their marks stronger as time goes by, the photos help, I know I will be looking at those quite often.
Two years of Photography is finally in order on SmugMug… In "Your Favorites", organized also in "States", some even labeled "first year" and second year". Feel free to browse, you can even use the slide show mode and have fun. I still have 14 T shirts that need to be sold at cost, $20 including shipping… I do! Some day they will be "collector’s items". You don’t believe me? These are the sizes left and the white background designs are the ones available at cost. E mail me first.
All other designs can be ordered through SmugMug’s Merchandise page.
With the "ADV" (Adventure Rider") logo: 1 XXL ~ 4 XL ~ 1 L
Plain: 3 XXL ~ 3XL ~ 2L ~
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Be well, always. Ara & Spirit