I do have some clues why I am titling today’s Blog “what do I know?”. Much lately has been enigmatic seems like. I mean, I am aware that school is always open, every minute passing by might bring this horrific test, I do like straight A’s… sometimes it happens and sometimes, well… the page stays blank.
What I learned yesterday was how to be carried through the hours by friends that wrote to me, either in “comments” or “e mails”, sharing my day, sharing their day and own emotions, some their own path similar to mine. And just the thought of “individuals”, some I have met, some I have not, taking the time to sit down and write, well, to me it is moving and shows the human kindness that still exists in our community. I feel selfish at times locking myself into the thoughts of the harsh reality that has dealt me a hand not so generous, but yesterday my cocoon burst out and I felt more towards the words written to me than my own emotions.
My mother is 80 years old now, she is a wise woman, my best friend and we have learned over the years not to agree. There was a time I remember, when I was a teenager, looking at my parents, nodding and thinking… “what do they know!”. Today, even when the expressions between her and I do not coincide I cannot help for her thoughts to make their mark into my own. She lives in Munich, Germany, and we talk once or twice a week… at least. Somehow Life has made us stand alone on two separate continents, but the communication is more open then ever. She said yesterday something that I had never agreed on… “Life is not meant to be easy… you have been given the hardest test there is… but you have to make it…”. Today I am thinking a bit different.
And so true also toward all of you that have also shared their thoughts yesterday. The hesitation will always be there to not accept the reality, but truly what choice do we have? Feelings cannot be always filled with joy. Is this the ultimate meaning of life? If there was no sickness we would not know good health?… if there was no poverty we would not know richness? If there was no dishonesty we would not know honesty? Maybe… Nights and days, sunrises and sunsets, do you realize that every situation has its flip side? There is no doubt that we would like to remain on the good side, sometimes it just does not happen… nights do come upon us as a reminder that again, maybe the sunlight will spoil us tomorrow… and such is Life also when we stumble into the darkness of unforeseen situations.
More and more lately I am falling into the wonders of my surroundings. I catch myself admiring… rocks. Their shape, colors and dimensions. I find my thoughts going backwards in time and thinking when did this happen?… was anyone watching? What noise did it make when it tumbled down that hill and cracked open laying and staring creating this new stage for me to look at… Please don’t think that I am loosing it! I am just seeing and feeling what I never saw before, maybe because there was no time, maybe because the awareness was just not as developed as it is today?
“Indian Head Trail” is a short dirt road behind us, the last time we were here, we did not even ride it because it was only about 3 miles long. This time around, it is one of my favorite places to go and hang out… Spirit’s also! It brings us to a fence were Big Bend Park starts and there is even a narrow gate to go through. There are “pictographs” that I am looking for, still… I will find them soon!
I am filled with energy today, contrary to last week’s frame of mind, the path has not become easier, I just have learned to be more confrontational toward Life itself… what I feel will never change… but the way I see things around will. A deep thank you for landing a hand in hard times for those who wrote and also for those who just read, I know your thoughts emanated goodness and kindness toward us, I felt it.
It is always “mind over matter”… That… I know!
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You be well… as always.
Ara & Spirit