Three years ago today, January 26th of 2004, at 10pm, the life support umbilical cord which kept a Human Being alive was pulled. At 10:30pm, being granted another 30 minutes in this World of ours, a Human Being, managing to say on his last breath “It’s all good…” left us and departed for another dimension. He is my son Lance, my only child… my buddy and my friend.
My own world had crumbled long time ago before that day. I never forget receiving the phone call expressing that a Cancer tumor was found in his liver. That was in 2002. Hope never leaves the mind, but when the prognostic of it being discovered was already in stage 5… a wall instantly went up, a wall that deep down I knew we were never going to be able to get over. We searched and search, as far as Europe… as far as in experimental procedures… with no avail.
This is not about me, but about Lance. We are not suppose to see our children go away… at least that is what they say. It has added a layer to my life that is so dark and permanent around the clock that I live with it constantly… day after day… hour after hour. I have tried to come to terms with it, but it only has left me numb as I have to accept it… but do not understand. This Journey at times would have been in his company, but it is not. I try to fill in his shoes, because that is what he would have wanted me to do. To continue in living and experiencing the beauty and experiences that traveling has to offer… and most of all… to share it with you all as he would have liked too also.
Lance was a copy of me! Improved however… He was a kind man always thinking about others, always thinking about his mother and father, his family, his friends… anyone that was around.
His popularity amazed me… sometimes I would have to wait patiently for some quality time with him… they all came to see Lance, to talk to him, laugh with him and the bond was always so obvious. I cannot help smiling when I think about his beautiful girl friends! When around witnessing his relationships I could always tell their own passion toward him… “well done son”… I would tell him!
He was born with a natural “aura”… I always thought about it as a permanent “halo”… he had this magnetism to him that drew people toward his presence, including me! I would get so much of a kick, for better words, just to watch his interaction with his surroundings… he was after all my son… part of me was in him… and we had so many similarities! Same handwriting… same hand gestures… same clothing size… even same shoes size… and the same great outlook on life…
He loved “nice”… he loved Nike… Armani… Mountain Hardware… and Ducatis!
And he loved good food… not just good food, but excellent food, refined food! He knew about all the great Restaurant… all the places to go out and eat according to what anyone was in the mood for… A pretty good cook himself. So many times we had talked about opening a Restaurant together, maybe called “Father and Son”! It never happened… He was so good with people, he would have taken care of the front and me the kitchen… He wanted a motorcycle in such a desperate way sometimes… A red Ducati Multistrada… we went to look at them more than once… we never bought it.
So many ideas never realized when he was healthy… so many! And today… I so often live with the guilt of not having taken the steps for those realizations that he wished so much… It was always a bad time… the wrong time… school… money… time for this instead of that.
He continues living within me, with me. I share this Journey with him as he also watches over me every step of the way. I go on through these days past and future with the hope that this is what we would have seen, experience, write and photograph.
An Oasis is a source of life, my Oasis is Lance, my days are filed with his thoughts as time allows me to do so, unobstructed with this clear and open path that I have chosen. I go on because he said so… “it’s all good…”, remember!
Hug your kids today… hug your family… hug your friends… hug a stranger… don’t put off your plans… make plans if you don’t have any! Don’t put off with them for tomorrow what you could do today, the rest will wait… they might not! Sometimes Life cannot be fixed… everything else can!
And my day will go on today… as everyday… more special than the other ones, filled with more memories than ever, a quiet day… as three years ago…
I know that you will also have some kind thoughts having met today an incredible young man…
My son… Lance.